主题：English joke!(of great funny!)

Cowboy's Anger

A cowboy rode into town adn stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. He yelled with surprising forcefulness "who stole my horse?"

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finised, I'm gonna do what i dun(done) back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun(done) in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back!

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. the bartender wandered out of the bar and asked,

"say partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said,

"I had to walk home!"

saloon 酒吧间

local 　本地人

pick on 作弄

handily 轻易地

May you all enjoy this one. if anyone respond, i will update a new one.

There men are sitting at a bar: an Englishman, an American, and an Iraqi. The englishman orders a bottle of gin. When he gets it, he takes one sip, throws it up into the air and *BAM* he shoots it with his .22. Everyone drops to the floor. The bartender recovers first. "What did you do that for?!" he shouts,"That was good gin!" The Englishman replies, "Where I come from, we have plenty of gin and we can throw it away like that."

The American, not to be outdone, orders a bottle of fine wine. When he gets it, he takes one sip,throws it up into the air, and *bam* he shoots it with his semiautomatic rifle. Everyone drops to the floor. The bartender recovers first. "What did you do that for?! That was good wine!" he hollers. The American replies, "Where I come from, we have plenty of wine, and we can throw it away like that."

The Iraqi, who was watched all this with interest, orders a Coors. He opens the bottle and takes a sip. Then he takes another sip. And another. Soon he's finished the whole bottle. He's throws it up into the air and pulls out his handgun. Very carefully, he aims, fires, and *BAM* he shoots the American. Everyone drops to the floor. The bartender is now shaking with rage. "What the hell did you do that for!?!" he roars.

"Well," answers the Iraqi, "Where I come from, we have PLENTY of Englishmen and Americans."

.22.: 0.22口径

semiautomatic rifle: 半自动步枪

outd 优于，胜过

hollers:抱怨

If anyone what to rap off English with me, pleased contact me with QQ441633985 and mark it "wwenglish". I am welcome anytime!

^_^，THAT'S REALLY FUNNY!

the second is really funny ,i love it,thank you very much

Driving award John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down is window and said to the officer,"Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. Ijust observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" John thought for a minute and said,"Well, I gess I'll go get that drivers' license." Judi, sitting ing the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart guy when he's drunken and stoned." Brian from the back seat said,"I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!!!" at that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said,"Are we over the border yet?"

pull over 指示或强迫某人把车停在路边 stoned 大醉 muffle 用东西蒙住或包扎住以使声音降低

Deaf Wife

One day a man went to the doctor and he said:"Doctor ,I think my wife is going deaf, but i'm no sure. What should i do to make absolute sure she's deaf , so i can convince her to get a hearing aid?"

The doctor gave him some advice and sent him home.When the man got home,before he went inside, he said loadly,"Honey!I'm home!!What's for dinner?"

There was no answer.The man went just inside the door and shouted,"honey!I'm home!! What's for dinner??" Slience.

He went to the entrance of the kitchen where his wife was busy at the stove and said,"Honey! I'm home, what's for dinner??"

STILL no answer. He went up behind her, put his arms around her and shouted in her ear,"Hi honey , I'm home. What's for dinner??" His wife turned around and said angrily,"for the 4th time, the 4th time! you deaf old goat, CHINCKEN!!!!!!"

Surprise An Italian, an Irish man and a Japanese all get jobs at a construction site. The boss of the site walks up to the three men, points at a pile of sand behind him and then points at the Italian says "You're in charge sweeping". He then points to the Irish man and says "You're in charge of digging". Finally he points to the Japanese and says "You're in charge of supplies." He carries on speaking "I'm going to be gone for a while and when I come back I expect to at least see you guys have made your work done". The boss comes back two hours later to find the pile of sand untouched, and the Italian and irish man standing by. He walks up to them and shouts "what the hell have you been doing for the last two hours, and where's the Japanese?" The Italian tells him "You put us two in charge of sweeping and digging, but we don't have a broom or a spade. You put the Japanese in charge of supplies, but he's disappeared." The boss looks round and searches for the strange Orient. Suddenly when the boss approaches the pile of sand, the Japanese jumps from behind the sand and yells"Supplies(Surprise)!"

broom 扫帚 spade 铲子

过路的，灌水的，麻烦帮我顶上去吧，打得好辛苦哦，感激感激

Surgeon's Discovery Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on," said the first surgeon. "You open them up and everything inside is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on," said the second, "you open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." "I like to operate on electricians," said the third, "You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." "I like engineers," said the fourth. "They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..." "I like to operate on lawyers," said the fifth. "They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and the asses are interchangeable."

surgeon 外科医生

spineless 无脊骨的，没骨气的

US Navy This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95: CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision. AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision. CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. AMERICANS: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert. CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. AMERICANS: This is the aircraft carrier USS LINCOLN, The second largest ship in The United States' Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destoryers, three curisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change you course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one five degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse... Your call.

The ninth floor is very interesting.

I also have a funny joke: The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, " I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length," I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, yur bearty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

i like the driving award and us navy .it's a great fun

hope to see your joke again

All your jokes are fun, thank you.

the artist alway put the theaesthetic feeling on the first place,wander what would the woman do to him?